Never a Glimmer of You
by TangerineFields
Summary: Sirius and Remus meet in the middle of New Delhi for their first true reunion in twelve years. Remus wavers, Sirius prays for a glimmer of love. SiriusxRemus


A/N: The inspiration for this fic, and certainly some of the lines from it are the property of the inspirational and truly wonderful raconteur and part time pugilist, Duke Special.

I very much hope that everyone enjoyed their Christmas, and thank you very much to M'rika, for her glowing review of Icing Sugar.

Disclaimer: Padders and Moony are both the wonderful J. K. Rowling's.

**Never a Glimmer of You**

"Where were you, Pads?"

"I don't know," he smiled meekly. "Runnin' around with my head in the clouds, I guess." He scratched the skin at the nape of his neck nervously. He smelt like the back room of a less than savoury alcohol endorsing establishment. Remus wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Dunno what I was thinking."

"Well," Remus shuffled his feet, the gap between then yawning. "You can say that again."

"Dunno what I was-"

"Figure of speech, Sirius."

"Oh, yeah, right." He blushed, turning his face away. "Long time without human contact, you know. Does this."

"Right." Remus chewed his lip.

"Was it always like this?"

"What?"

"This," Sirius gestured to the space between then. "This nervousness, this…" He shrugged. "It just feels like you're a hundred thousand miles away."

Remus shuffled. "It's been twelve years. I thought you were a murderer. Maybe this is how it's going to be now."

"Maybe, or must?"

"I said maybe, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Sirius smiled weakly. "Suppose you did." There was a long pause. "Can't we cast this off?"

"I don't know." Remus turned and sat down as a train whistled and steamed into the station. Outside, under the hot, New Delhi sun, people bustled and shouted, feet slapping on the tarmac.

"Can't you trust me?"

"I don't know." Remus looked away. "You're not Sirius."

"But I am serious." He grinned but it faded quickly, discolouring like a Polaroid left in the sun. "Why I am not Sirius?"

"You're not the man who went in there."

"Well I'm hardly going to be, am I?" Sirius' face contorted and he turned to stare out of the window at the commuters hurrying by. "I learnt a few hard truths about life. I'm not Padders anymore."

"Precisely. I could trust Padders. I loved Padders."

Sirius looked pained. "And you can't love me?"

"I didn't say that."

"I love you."

Remus wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know if I can trust you, Sirius."

"You can, or you can't, Rem. I'd had it with quarters and halves. You trust me, or you don't. You," he stopped and smiled softly. "You love me or you don't."

"I can't tell you that now."

Sirius shrugged. "Now or never Moons, double or nothing."

"What if," Remus sighed, and stared up at the convict, silhouetted against the Indian sun. "What if I don't?"

"Then this must be how it is from now on," Sirius gestured to them, to the gap, inconsiderately filled with linoleum and cigarette butts, the stubs of train tickets and bleached newspapers. "You make the space, Rem," he paused and smiled, his long hair falling over his face. "Or you fill it."

"This isn't fair." Remus was aware that he sounded like a small child but couldn't help it.

"Life's not fair." Sirius blinked. "I learnt that the hard way."

"So why inflict it on me?"

He shrugged. "Because I've made up my mind. You know I still love you. Gods, Rem, I'd do anything for you." There it was, Remus had been waiting for it, the head in the clouds look, the tilt of the head, "You've still got to make the choice."

"And if I trust you, if…if I love you, what then?"

"Gods," Sirius' grin suddenly became wolfish. "I'll fuck you for all of New Delhi to see."

"Would it bother you if I'd rather we checked in at a hotel?" Remus was smiling, even as he bowed his head. "You're still an idiot, Sirius Black. Even Azkaban's complete guide to hard life lessons didn't change that."

Sirius' eyes lit up. "You mean…"

"Of course I do." Remus shook his head, and looked up to meet Sirius' incredulous eyes. "Life'll have try much harder than that to ever stop me loving you."

Sirius' bridged the gap between them in a single stride, and buried his head in Remus' shoulder. "Gods, I've missed you."

"You've missed the bath as well." Remus raised an eyebrow. "You're filthy, Pads."

Sirius smiled, and nuzzled Remus' neck. "Get me to that damn hotel and you'll find out just how filthy, Moons."

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me."

He obliged, and stared as a tear wound its way down Remus' cheek. "Rem, you're-"

"I know," Remus smiled. "Daft, isn't it?" Sirius shook his head and went to chide, but Remus shushed him. "I love you, Padfoot."

"I love you too, Moony." Sirius leant in and kissed Remus softly, smiling at the familiar taste, chocolate and Worther's, and always something distinctly feral. "Glad we got that sorted."

"It took long enough."

"You wound me up!"

"And you fell for it."

"Hook line and sinker," Sirius rolled his eyes, but Remus had dipped his head and was staring at their hands which had found each other and wound together familiarly. "But it wasn't, was it Moons? It wasn't a wind up."

"No," Remus smiled sadly, shaking his head. "You know I'm a terrible liar."

"So you really didn't know." Sirius' eyes were growing darker.

"I didn't." Remus cupped Sirius' rough cheek gently. "But I know now. No quarters or halves. I love you."

Sirius kissed him again, and there was that familiar fire, as his tongue flickered between Remus' teeth. "Hotel," he rasped.

"Gods yes." Remus smiled. "It's been too long."

"Tell me about it." Sirius murmured. Then he stopped, and stared at Remus for a long moment, eyes tracing the lines that had sprung up, catching the grey hairs and the new, quietly pink scars. "This is what I've waited for," he smiled. "Just this, just a glimmer of you."

"Well you've got more than that," Remus smiled. "You've got all of me."


End file.
